MARRIAGE HELD IN HONOR

If you read and believe the Bible, you know that marriage is God's oldest institution. After God had created Adam and Eve, he established the order he wanted men and women to observe so long as the world continues. The Creator commanded: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they two shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). The Son of God quoted these words from Genesis 2 and then added: "Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mt. 19:9). By the guidance of God's Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul endorsed the teaching of Genesis. What Jesus Christ and the apostles taught is binding on the human race until time shall be no more.

God has always been concerned about marriages and families. He knew it was not possible for nations to be strong without strong families. Research has shown that children suffer in many ways when their families are weak and troubled. One of the reasons for so many unwed pregnancies, so much venereal disease and so many troubled children and teenagers is the condition of millions of American families. How can children and young people mature into strong and stable adults when their parents and other adults are such poor examples? The no-fault divorce situation in this nation has destroyed many marriages.

The author of Hebrews has very little to say about marriage, but his words are very challenging. Please listen. "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4). Before we analyze this passage from Hebrews, I shall read a brief excerpt from Arthur Pink's book, An Exposition of Hebrews (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1954). "How essential it is ... that we should have the blessing of heaven upon such a solemn and precious undertaking; and in order to have this, how absolutely necessary it is that we be subject to God and to His word thereon. Far, far better to remain single unto the end of our days, than to enter into a marriage state without the Divine benediction upon it. The records of history and the facts of observation bear abundant testimony to that remark" (p. 1125).

The inspired author of Hebrews affirms: "Marriage is honorable in all." Some versions render the Greek: "Let marriage be had in honor." In 2003 I participated in the Spiritual Sword Lectureship in Memphis, Tennessee. Gary McDade, the very capable lectureship director and a former student, asked me to discuss Hebrews 13 during that lectureship and contribute a chapter to the book, So Great Salvation (Memphis: The Getwell Church of Christ). I introduced my lecture with these remarks: "Tragically, millions of Americans believe that marriage has outlived its usefulness. Dr. Margaret Mead, the famous American anthropologist, argued that marriage ought to be arranged in two phases: personal and parental. Personal marriage would involve a renewable contract for five or ten years. If the couple decided to have children, they would have to obtain another license to allow them to become parents. No state has adopted Dr. Mead's suggestions, but many people are acting as if they believe their marriage contracts are renewable. Experts estimate that as many as fifty percent of all marriages are ending in divorce. There are almost 2,000,000 children involved in these divorces" (p. 538).

In our text today, the author used the word Greek timios (translated "honor"). The word is almost always rendered "precious." The apostle Peter speaks of the trial of our faith as being "much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tried by fire" (1 Pet. 1:7). The same apostle has written about the "exceedingly great and precious promises" of the gospel. Why does the inspired author speak of marriage as being honorable or precious? There are a number of reasons why God and godly people think of marriage as being honorable. There is no better reason than the fact that God is the author of marriage. Approximately three years ago, I preached a sermon on this radio program I called "Marriage from God-not from the Gorilla." If it is true that marriage originated in the very mind of God and is not of animal origin, it must be honorable. How could a perfect God provide any arrangement that is less than honorable? We know that fallible human beings often pervert what God has so graciously given to us, but marriage is intended for our good and for God's glory.

Not only did God originate marriage; he has provided guidance for husbands and wives and for parents and children. I shall take a few minutes to remind you of the Holy Spirit's regulations of marriage and the family. Paul charged husbands and wives: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. ... Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she reverence her husband" (Eph. 5:22-25,33). Paul follows that advice by telling children: "Obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor your father and mother; (which is the first" commandment with promise;) that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." The inspired apostle then commanded: "And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph.6: 1-4). There is much more-both from the Old Testament and from the new-but this will have to suffice for today.

Since God knew what was best for human beings, he designed marriage to meet many of our needs. I am not telling you-because I do not believe-that God designed marriage to meet all of our needs. When young people or older ones believe that marriage will meet all of their needs, they will be in for a great disappointment. We need fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ and with our earthly relatives. Our occupation or our profession also meets some of our needs. Even our recreational activities, such as, golfing, fishing and hunting are important to our satisfaction and pleasure.

I remember a fellow teacher accusing me of implying that one must be married to be fulfilled. She may have been right, but if so, I was wrong. There are thousands of people like the sweet woman who corrected me who are perfectly happy being single. I was not one of them and still am not. I enjoyed every day of being married to Molly. I am now single and have been for almost five years. I do not like being single. But, scripturally speaking, every person has a choice with respect to marriage. You can marry or you can stay single. But the truth is: Almost all human beings want to marry and do.

I wanted to get married because I loved being with my dear Molly. There was so much we enjoyed together. We especially wanted to be good parents for our sons. What a great thrill and challenge it was for both of us to cooperate in the rearing of our boys. We knew that God honored us by giving us two sons. We desired to do the very best for them we possibly could. I am grateful to almighty God for blessing me with such a gracious and loving wife and for blessing the two of us with our boys.

Marriage must be held in honor because it is without any question the very best way for children to be reared. Contrary to popular wisdom, it does not take a village to rear children. It takes a committed father and mother-a good home. Do you remember when the media and the academic community treated vice president Dan Quayle as if he had just fallen off the turnip truck? Dan Quayle made some very wise observations about having children out-of-wedlock. Barbara Defoe Whitehead wrote an excellent article in Atlantic Monthly defending Dan Quayle. Her article had the title, "Dan Quayle Was Right." Incidentally, the president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton, admitted that Dan Quayle was right. Sometime later Barbara Defoe Whitehead wrote an excellent book with the title, The Divorce Culture: Rethinking Our Commitments to Marriage and Family (New York: Vintage Books, 1998). New York magazine commented on Whitehead's book: "It may do for maintaining imperfect unions what (Betty Friedan's book) The Feminine Mystique did for dissolving them." I shall read one brief paragraph from Whitehead's book. She speaks of stepfamilies as contrasted with intact original two-parent families. Please listen carefully. Stepfamilies "were two or three times more likely to suffer emotional and behavior problems and nearly twice as likely to have developmental or learning problems as children in intact families.... Children in stepfamilies were more likely to drop out of high school, to become unwed teenage mothers, and to be unable to hold steady jobs as young adults than children who grew up with both married partners" (p. 96).

Linda J. Waite, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, and Maggie Gallagher, Director of the Marriage Program at the Institute of American Values and a nationally syndicated columnist, have written an outstanding book, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Doubleday, 2000). Waite and Gallagher quote these words from Benjamin Franklin: "A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissors. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient" (p. 97). You may or may not agree with Franklin, but for most men, marrying is the wisest choice. The final paragraph in Waite and Gallagher's book is worth our attention. "Decades of social science research have confirmed the deepest intuitions of the human heart: As frightening, exhilarating, and improbable as this wild vow of constancy may seem, there is no substitute. When love seeks permanence, a safe home for children who long for both parents, when men and women look for someone they can count on, there are no substitutes. The word for what we want is marriage" (p. 203).

I must mention one other book in passing. Dr. James Q. Wilson, an internationally known criminologist and former professor of government at Harvard, has written extensively on the causes and cure of crime. His book, The Marriage Problem: How Our Culture Has Weakened Families (New York: HarperCollinsPublisher, 2000), provides some very valuable information about marriage and families. I shall read to you some very brief excerpts from Dr. Wilson's book. "Children in one-parent families ... are twice as likely to drop out of school" (p. 7). "Children raised in single-parent homes are more likely to be suspended from school, to have emotional problems, and to behave badly" when compared with children from two-parent homes (p. 8). "Female-headed families seem to make a bigger difference than race or poverty" (p. l0). Finally, "Children are not raised by programs, governments, or (in this country) villages; they are raised by two parents who are fervently, even irrationally, devoted to their children's wellbeing" (p. 11). Do you have any difficulty understanding why the inspired author demanded: "Let marriage be held in honor among all?" It ought to be obvious that God knew what he was doing when he ordained the home.

Sexual intimacy is a significant part of a good marriage. Please listen again to Hebrews 13: 4: "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." The word "bed" comes from the Greek koite from which we derive our English word "coitus," meaning sexual intimacy. The word is translated "conceived" (Rom. 9:10) and "chambering" (Rom. 13:13). The word in Romans 13 means unlawful sexual activity. The English Standard Version translates the Greek "sensuality."

There are leaders in many fields, including religion, who accuse the Bible of being anti-sex. In his book, Has Religion Made useful Contributions to Civilization?, the infamous infidel, Bertrand Russell, made these ridiculous remarks: "The worst feature of the Christian religion, however, it is attitude toward sex, an attitude so morbid and so unnatural that it can be understood only when taken in relation to the sickness of the civilized world at the time when the Roman Empire was decaying. We sometimes hear talk to the effect that Christianity has improved the status of women. This is one of the grossest perversions of history that it is possible to make" (p. 7ff.).

Bertrand Russell was a grossly immoral man. He and his first wife Dora had a kind of open marriage arrangement, long before it was popular to have such a marriage. But they were both so sexually promiscuous they could not stand each other. He was so notoriously immoral that even Harvard University could not put up with his shenanigans. And if Harvard cannot endure your behavior, you must really be a rascal. There is no way of estimating the number of sexual partners either of the Russells had, but the numbers were substantial. Do you understand why men like Bertrand Russell and Aldous Huxley had problems with the Bible's teaching on human sexuality?

Contrary to Russell's foolish observations, I am prepared to defend the proposition that Christianity provides the healthiest attitude toward sex of any other philosophy or religion or worldview. I ask you to listen carefully to Paul's advice to the Christians in one of the most immoral cities in the world-the ancient city of Corinth. The Christians at Corinth had written a letter to Paul. They apparently asked him a number of questions. He responded: "Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence: and likewise the wife unto the husband. The wife does not have power (or authority) over her own body, but the husband does: and likewise also the husband does not have power (or authority) over his own body, but the wife does. Do not defraud one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (1 Cor. 7: 1-7).

There is no possibility of having a healthier attitude toward sex than what I have read to you from God's own word. I must read one other passage before we talk about sexual immorality. The wise man Solomon advised husbands: "Drink waters from your own cistern, and running waters from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad and rivers of waters in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not strangers' with you. Let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be ravished with her love. And why will you, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders his going" (Prov. 5:15-21). The English Standard Version renders verse 20: "Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?"

The author of Hebrews affirms: "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Heb. 13:4). The word "undefiled" literally means uncontaminated. The bed becomes defiled when either partner becomes involved with someone outside the marriage bond. The word "whoremonger" is from the Greek pornous. The King James Version always translates the noun either "fornicator" or "whoremonger." The word includes all kinds of sexual immorality-premarital sex, extramarital sex and incest. The word "adulterers" generally applies to married men and women who become sexually promiscuous. The author of Hebrews agues: "God will judge" the sexually immoral. Does that mean God will condemn whoremongers and adulterers if they do not repent? If you have the slightest doubt about it, please listen carefully. Paul asked the Corinthians: "Do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, not abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor. 6:9). To put these words in language no one can misunderstand: the apostle Paul teaches that the sexually immoral are not going to heaven, unless they repent like the Corinthians did.

May I plead with all of the married people in my audience today to strengthen your marriage in every way you can! Make your home a foretaste of our heavenly home.

Winford Claiborne

The International Gospel Hour

P.O. Box 118

Fayetteville, TN 37334

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